Not A Bright Horizon

As some may know I have been having some rough times with an intestinal blockage over the past few months.  One minute I'm puffed up with a belly as hard as a rock, the next it has gone down and is much softer.

So I met with my Oncologist today -funny how those meetings are always fraught with tension- and with good reason too. In my mind the idea of the visit was to see what he thinks about what could be done with the blockage, and, find out the status of things after a CT Scan I had yesterday. The visit didn't go quite as I had mapped out in my mind.

Turns out the chemo I was on last (third one this year) had no effect whatsoever on the tumour.  Actually it has been growing and spreading. He thinks from the scan that I don't have a blockage, though not sure I buy that since it was definitely there in May.  But there we are.  There are no further chemo options, apart from going for a phase 1 trial. The odds of getting on one and it working are extremely low. And they take a lot of effort getting into the city 2 or 3 times per week, if I qualify, which the doctor thought was unlikely.  I don't have the stamina for that.

So I have decided to let things take their own course from hereon. The prognosis is that I have "several months to go, but not a year". 

It's funny how you start to think about things when you know there is an end coming soon. You think about family, the caregivers and good friends and how they they have this to deal with, both before and afterwards.  I read a something some time ago, and it goes like this:

We call the people who have lost their parents, orphans; and a widow or widower, the person who has lost their spouse.
But what of those people who have known the immense sadness of losing a loved companion or friend, what do we call them?

I am very lucky to have caring people around me. My son, Dominic, visits me quite regularly from Chicago, and of course Sue is my constant companion -don't know what I would do without her. And I have many friends who I see,text or email quite regularly.  I'm lucky in that regard.

Depending upon how I fair,  I hope to blog again.

Be well to All,
Chris